midwestkiwi

I'm away from home quite a bit these days and sometimes mail is a week old before I receive it. IKR? (I know, right?) But it's kind of like Christmas when I do get it, so there's that.

All this said so that you don't panic if I don't rate right away. While I expect communication regarding a late send, I am not a postmark watcher. If it seems a while, I don't mind a nudge.

That three is really old. I earned it during a really difficult time, and I'll own it.

I pledge to rate. Please do not send extras to get a heart, I prefer them not. The only extras that interest me are an "ope" or anything kiwi--except not a live one, either the bird or any celebrity! A line or two sharing a highlight from your week, a dad joke, comments on the weather or the season are my preferred extras.

Did you know that a group of kiwis is a tribe?

Postcards: I like mine naked and tattooed. My grands homeschool, so if there is an educational aspect (map, state facts, historical information, monument, motto, scenic byway...) they usually end up in some curriculum kits to them.

The garden is my most happy place. I tend to grow what I can't source fresh locally. I'm concentrating on herbs in 2024.

I detest housework and glitter. I enjoy magpie journals and collaging. My houseplants are my accountability partners.

I didn't realize that junk journals were an actual genre until I came here.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

I collect (and hoard, although they are creeping into my collages) single comic panels with the subject either making only a face or a gesture, or uttering only a sound or expletive. An "ope" remains elusive but tops my list.

If you plop me down in a strange city, I'm going to make a beeline for the market.

No i-deer. What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?

Remember hardware stores? The ones where you could hand the older gent* behind the counter one-half of a piece of something that you needed to fix and he'd make his way around the counter and down the aisles and show you what you needed and ask a couple of questions to ensure that was all you really needed to make the repair? Or you could drop off your perfectly good stand mixer that just needed a grease replacement and pick it up good as new the next week?

Still no i-deer.

*I was a child the first time I needed a nut or bolt or oddment, so for all I know the "old gent" was 30. As a young housewife, the "old gent" was most certainly ancient and kindly, and cemented in my mind the picture of the hardware store proprietor, before hardware store proprietors went away.

Ampersands: I think I rescued my first one from one of those cheesy Mr. & Mrs. wedding reception decoration sculpture sets that were all the rage a few years ago. It was funny to me to display it all by its lonesome, apropos of nothing. Then it deputized a posse.

I lean towards the irreverent and enjoy a well-crafted naughty joke. I don't mind an F-bomb; I can string together expletives with the best of them--I curse like a sailor (although I was a soldier and don't understand how sailors earned those bragging rights) and I can't think of a better way to celebrate a stubbed toe. &%@@!

Once upon a time, I heard or read an interview with some celebrity regarding their lack of animosity towards an ex and the answer was basically, oh well, we're just not meant to travel on through this life together any longer and what's the point of carrying forward any ill will? My only argument to that philosophy is the gaslighter who insists that you are wrong to sever ties.

If not, you can skip it and still learn a lot about me elsewhere. I find them efficient and tiresome by turns, so tally me uncommitted. (I skipped the ones that I couldn't think of a word or phrase for ¯_(ツ)_/¯ )

Likes:
A - Ampersands. See Kiwi Quirks, above.
B - Books. There's not much I find not to like about books.
C - Chickadees. I like most birds, but chickadees will eat from my hand.
F - Food. Regional food, street food, seasonal food, carnival food.
G - I celebrate groundhog day, but groundhogs need to live their own lives away from me
H - Hardware stores. See Kiwi Quirks, above.
K - Kiwi anything. But nothing I have to keep alive. So, almost anything kiwi.
S - Strawberries. The fruit to eat and the ephemera sort.
Z - Zines, Zentagles, Zetti. I want so much to make my own zetti creation. Alas.

Dislikes:
C - "Conflate" used aloud; it is a written word, like, "Exclaim." Cricut cut signage.
G - Glitter. I'm not going to rate you down for a glittered note card, but it really is wasted on me. The dust bunnies try to eat it, and it's not good for them.
M - Mosquitoes. I've asked around. No one can justify mosquitoes. (Except the scientists from Turo)
P - Pineapple. The fruit. To eat. I'm fine with smiley pineapple stickers

OMG! I am terrible with an A-B-C list! Is there anything more contradictory than an A-B-C list?! Have I completed a single solitary one word entry? Oh wait! Yes, yes! See M. Nope, still no.